Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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