He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
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