Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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