is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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