are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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