Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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