Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's great music for shaving your balls
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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