before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
