he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
