Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
