Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize