You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
