Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
