it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Bring me that man meat
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
