we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
