I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
