thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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