i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
