I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
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I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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