I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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