I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
