it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
