Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
