the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
