I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
