I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
