I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
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Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
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Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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