Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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