We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
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Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
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I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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