So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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