Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
