can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
