Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
