Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
