ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
