words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You've changed since you got that strap on
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
