just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
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It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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