Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
