She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
