if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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