I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
