dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
