I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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