walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
