You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
