that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
