Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
