One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
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