I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
