hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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