I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
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