I puked a lego.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
