Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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