well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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