I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We left the knife in your bed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
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