I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
