I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
false alarm, still single
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
