A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I am available for nakedness
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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