From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This is the high leading the old right now
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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