Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
